Journal » Trout 16 » Ancient March [Erin Scudder]
   «       41       42       43       44       45    46    47       48       49       50       »   


Ancient March

Erin Scudder

I have spent a night in the hospital.
I have not spent a night.
I have had a night to remember
I can't remember about my night.
I woke up and my boyfriend said
I don't want you to be scared and the doctor said
I said to the boyfriend I am scared, I am scared,
I remember from then on in scenes,
I am scared I said to the boy.

I, said the doctor, want to talk to you.
I am the one that he wants to talk to well how about that.
I am the last person who would know.
I put my red feet on the floor well
I remember about my feet.
I had to go to the other room
I listened the physician said may
I have a word with you in the other room
I had wounds like somebody else's.

I was still getting out of myself.
I was coming out of anaesthetic well they did not tell me but
I was not still myself.
I'd like to know where I am before I have to talk to you,
I could have said to the doctor.
I would like a word with you.
I would like you to tell me something about myself.

I'm a clam.
I'm a clam today.
I'm a clam on your beach.
I mean something to you but
I'm a shell to itself.
I know about the body, said the doctor. Well,
I said, then you tell me.
I don't think you know about history.

I'll stay here.
I'll otherwise go forward from here to where?
I, reading the moment again, am not convinced I shall, am not convinced
I did. I wanted something for my feet.
I wanted you not to peer at me with giant red terrified eyes, horrified.
I wanted comfort.
I, bewildered, I,
I lost a night and you were more scared than me.


 « contents » 
© Copyright 2010 Erin Scudder & Trout.