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The Brigadier's Secret Weapon

Alistair Te Ariki Campbell

'Sir, beg to report that a private soldier
            has been in the condition that reflects badly
                        on the dignity of the Maori Battalion.
He was alone, some distance in front
            of his group, and when seen he was wearing
                        an expensive fur coat, and a Borsolino hat.
His rifle was carelessly slung over
            his shoulder, sir, and he'd slung his pack
                        into a pram along with other things he had
nicked along the way. As he wheeled the pram along
            he was heard singing the German national anthem.'
                        'I see, Staff Captain—and what conclusion
have you reached?' 'He was full as a boot, sir.'
            'Precisely, Staff Captain. Now look here,
                        the man is a prototype of a new secret
weapon that we propose to let loose on the enemy.
            Imagine, if you will, a thousand doughty Maori
                        warriors in this cunning guise, wheeling
prams loaded with high explosives, and possibly
            a small man—if the size of the pram permits—
                        into the enemy camp. The enemy won't know
what struck them, and the war will soon be over.
            It's a variation of the wooden horse device.
                        I expect a gong for this. What do you say
about our little secret, Staff Captain. Speak up,
            man—don't be shy. You must be excited as
                        I am.' 'I think he was as full as a boot, sir'.